just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
