i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
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