I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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