you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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