DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
