i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
