the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize