Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
