i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
