I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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