Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
