Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
