Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
