I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
