now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
