peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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