just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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