Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
