You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize