I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
