does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
