ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
