you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
