I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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