just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
