i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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