can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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