You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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