apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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