If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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