is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize