WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
