i think i have two assholes
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
