You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Randomize
