Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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