I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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