worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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