East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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