we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Randomize
