Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
