did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
