honey bunches of taint.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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