Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
