I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
