I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
