Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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