he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize