Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
