Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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