i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
