Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
