There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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