Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
