Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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