escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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