I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize