We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
