I am puke
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
