Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
