Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
