I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize