I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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