But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
im calling her cock vulture from now on
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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