I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
