And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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