Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
