i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize