I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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