from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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