taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
