i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
