i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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