I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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