my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
i out mim tonsoeep
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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