The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize