I hope mine doesn't look like that
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
