I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
