Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
