I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
