i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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