when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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