Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize