He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
