how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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