just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Randomize
