Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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