honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
