i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
