I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
