You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
