Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Randomize