I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
